Doorway to my life

Shaded from a lighted smile,
i never thought it could darken so quickly
time sweeps by, wiping the fade from my weakened eyes
and it continues....

This rapturous circle of endless wanting
wasted winds, drifting ever slowly
Yet a taste was still yet to come
Just a taste to feed these hungry roads and knarled dreams of what
is sure to be

Your eyes of wonder
Eyes of hope
Tear at these walls
layer by layer, and coat by coat

The light from your eyes burns thru my soul and quickens my heart beat
Shedding the warmth of wasted pity
A hot white flame
echoes thru my insides
scraping at my heart
Shackled words born from the touch of man
watch as they all fall on the knife that cut thru the American dream
Watch with me my beloved child, as our breathes tick to its hollow clock
Wait for the end
it draws near

The love in your eyes
trace the rotting path
of summoned remains,

Tell me road of treason, road of hate
where may you lead
beckons the shunned window of fate

A falling glow of shadows
spreads across our eyes
as we step into this wondurous world
hidden from the outlook of our
half shut eyes
All to you remains deep inside each and evryone
Covered with a scented depth of betrayle

The warmth guided from your eyes and gentle hands pours A thawing embrace of hope throughout
my body and past my soul
i watch the walls fall down
walls of the reckless
and unburden
chained from their tainted lies
they weep a line of constant need

Looking past, the bloodshed tears, and painful reality of what you bear
what you loved and held so close

HOw can we cry for what is so dear to you
to all of you
You gently wipe the doubt from my eyes
and replace the growing shades
with the loving spirit of senrenity,
which has lighted your world scince the day it began
It was that day that filled the growing hole inside of me
as i watched you cum together as one
THe day you revealed the greatest gift of all

THrough the light of your eyes and warmth of your smile that tore at our blinded dreams
The day we realized
even at holding next to nuthing
you can hold the face of god
beneathe your finger tips
and light up the world

~Final Completetion~

your fingers sink into my heart

and tear away at the layers........i can scence the motionless confusion of your searching need as you wrip me to shreds

trying to restore what i took from you

my heart drips through my scences as you suck my remaining breathes

your tired hands numb as you rub away at my skin

trying to erase what i hid......ever scicne u first laid your eyes on me

frustrated your words scream into my ears and search my insides for a trace of what i stole from you

brushing away my tears you stare directly into my eyes

glaring upon my soul you smile down upon the missing part of your completion

relaxed your touch explores the rest of me

before you sink you hands around wut will remain yours

blood pours from my heart as you shift your fingers thru me and around ur burning light

my glow slowly fades

the harder you pull

frantic you cut at my face

trying to keep me concious......you dont even realize you are falling apart inside

you tighten ur grasp inside my heart and around wut i took from you

tears roll down my face as i scence yur heart dieing the harder u tear into my soul

the burn weakens as u fall upon me........faint with frustration and failure...

Your arms wrap around me......your heart strengthens as u stare deep into my eyes once more

my blood pouring from the wound u created

your fingers shaking....i can scence your recognition

the increasing pain turns to relief as u pull me close and whisper in my ear

i love you....

blood rushing from my body your numbing insides fall apart

we lay dieing

hand in hand.....heart within heart

blood blankets our insides....as i lay into your arms

a sudden feeling of unexplained assurance sends shocks through out your body

filling it with warmth as if you were electricuted with the cold lay that you finally feel it......you get all of it back as we lay dieing

apart of evry breathe

forever within eachother

finally at peace........finally complete.....

if i could scream out
feel so lonely
timing whys you see right thru it
held so close
it hurt me so bad
edging further in cunning sympothy
fading ever slowly
it may take all of me
suffacation of wondering
am i here to stay
where am i tonight
lining of my memories
sweet caress
its changing me
i dont think you can tell
wut you do to me
rushing mellowed dreaming
am i relle sleeping
i never used to care
sumehow this isn't fair
never thought it was true
all the times i look at you
cant describe
am i lost again
cant bear the thought of giving in
to what i would say is true
is this loving you?

when i update this (which will not be for a while) this will be gone so read below and have fun!!

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: chop suey by : system of a down

i've been down this way before
and i've have never felt so sure
that i have used this smile
i have used this face
i have used these words
to break the same old place
and though it takes a while
i may come back there
and do it once again
but why do i keep using myself
why do i allow so much pain
and deny all my reasons
to give up
to move on
im sure its what you have already done
it must be so much fun
to watch me
reuse
my thoughts
reuse
my screams
re use my pain
re use my dreams

wait hold on
havn't i been here before
im sure i hav felt this pain before
havn't i cried these tears
this was my only fear
through all of my confusion im surprised i can be so sure
that i have been through this before
then why
do i keep putting my self through the same thing
but i am sure
i am gunna feel this more
and its gunna be the
same thoughts
the same dreams
the same
tears
the same screams
for wanting more
then this shutting door
through all of this confusion
waiting for dillusion
i dont understand how can i be sure of this
but its beyond my controll
cus i have felt this way before
i thought i already shut this door
but its still closing
and everytime i look away it comes open once again

i know i have seen it slam before
and now that i can almost accept
this
and now that i can say this
and now that i can scream this out loud
i can suck it back in again
and be silent all my life
i know im going to be here again

still lost in confusion
and on my way to used dillusion
theres one thing i am sure
no matter how much yu hurt me
all the times yu will desert me
ill come back for more

cus in my heart i know
there is one thing
i am deserving
one thing i am reserving
to say that i have said never before

no matter how much you use me
break my heart and confuse me

i know im gunna love you
and never shut my door

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Duality by : slip knot

SPHINX OF ICE



Maybe if i can sit here long enough
staring into my past
theres a wall i could thaw down
if i was bold i'd take it all the way
but somethings holding me back
smothered through fear i can nevr
try that hard
to find something
i hope was never there
maybe this feeling of misery
is a faded scar
still burning
mayb im trying to blame
all my pain
on a old feeling of rejection
no matter
how hard
i try
i can never find a break
a break from it all
is there anything
i can hold onto
that will keep me from falling
any furthur
i dont know
if this is where i belong
so many nights
of slipping away
slowly into defeat
giving up
was my yesterday
it may always be
but soon it may take my tomarrow



sitting still
deepins my heart
i dont know if i can hold any more of this


but wen guilt slips rite in
on sumthing i know
i must do


is there such thing as ment to be

or is it all a coincidence?
this room gets darker
the longer i stare into my past
will i ever find my way back
wen will i ever go back to wen i used to feel
like i belong
i feel like
sumthings missing
and no matter wut i do

it will always be there
like a rush
to find sumthing that left me
through my tears


scars of stress will line
my inside

soon enough
it will cum through to yu
that i
i dont know
im stuck inside
there is no where for me to hide
from all of this
and i
i dont know
wut this
is
but its sure dam cold
but i
i want this to stop
i want to 4get
i want to start over



but haven't we already been thru this?

than y
and how can i still feel this way

wrapped up
in something
that may not even be there


but its hurting
me soo bad

sumtimes i want to giv it up
and let it take all of me


but i
i dont know
wut this is
and y i am still doing this to myself
maybe its time
to break
wut has been
holding me back
from bein real with yu



wut im trying to say is

i am in pain

and i need yu





(if yu think i am talking to yu................plz.....talk to me)

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: atwa by: system of a down